Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards VOTE HERE

Bar-Win Awards 2013 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None)

Bar-Win Awards 2013 Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

All last week i posted the best of the worst, those 6 people who make drinking look bad. Oh sure, we’ve all been stupid drunk before but not this fucking stupid. Not so stupid our genes need to be eliminated from the gene pool so we don’t pass the stupid on to future generations.

You know me, and if you don’t then pass the buck, i’m incapable of making anything, especially anything that even remotely smells like a decision, so ima pass the buck back to you and ask y’all to do the choosing for me.

i’m going to call it when we get to 20 votes or the BarWin Awards for 2014, whichever comes.

If you’re memory is shorter than my attention span, these are the 6 candidates for the 2013 BarWin Awards (the Darwin Awards for Drunks). Click on the Title for each Can-idate to read about them or just look at the pictures and vote away.

Can-idate #1

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Guy who impaled himself scaling an open gate

Can-idate #2

Guy who castrated himself having sex with a broken bottle

Guy who castrated himself having sex with a broken bottle

Can-didate #3

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Girl who tried to drunk drive her getaway on a Power Wheels truck

Can-didate #4

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Guy who kidnapped himself

Can-didate #5

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Guy who got in a *fucking* drunk driving accident

Can-didate #6

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Drunk girl who called 911 to report drunk people in a bar

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Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #6)

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You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #6

I See Drunk People…They’re Everywhere!

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It wouldn’t be a Bar-Win Award contest of it didn’t have an entry from Florida. There was this one woman in a bar who called 911 six times to report… drunk people in the bar. i am not shitting. Short story short, the police showed up and did as she asked, they arrested someone who was too drunk: the dumbass woman herself.

Why should you vote for her? If you don’t know, you’re probably too drunk yourself.

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Stay tuned tomorrow, when we launch the vote.

Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #5)

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You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #5

The Hard way or the High-way

One of the other top contenders earned his place on this list the hard way, starting with his penis. This guy was fucking drunk–literally–which is only a crime because he was driving his car at the time. Then he rammed his car into another one at an inter-sex-tion (oh shut up, you love it and you know it) and the police came quickly. To make matters worse, he’s a love ’em and leave’ em kind of guy because he abandoned his naked girlfriend on the street at the scene (and i hope she at least got off before she got out). 

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Why should you vote for him? Because when the cops caught up with him, he was wearing only one shoe, had his shorts on inside out…and was hiding behind a cactus.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: The woman who called 911 to report drunk people…in a bar.

Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #4)

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Find Waldon’t

You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #4

Dicknapped

Don’t you hate it when you’re sitting around the house, watching TV with the wife and masked kidnappers bust into your living room with guns and drag you out into their car? OK, maybe you don’t hate it so much because the ‘kidnappers’ are your friends and they’re only doing what you asked them to do so you could get in a night of partying without your insignificant other.

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i’ll tell you who doesn’t think it’s a good idea and that’s your wife who called the police and they weren’t too impressed with your idea either as your wife spent the night worrying while the cops looked for you all over the city. Then don’t you hate it when you show up the next day with your scripted story about how the kidnappers just let you go but you know who didn’t let it go? That’s right, the police because they questioned you about the crime until you confessed to pulling a slow one over on everyone.

Why should you vote for him? Because you know you’ve thought about doing this yourself.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: Three words “naked, man & cactus”.

Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #3)

Used 2014-01-08 BarWin Awards Can 3 01 (AlKHall Bar None Bar-Win Awards)

You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #3

Highway to Hello Kitty

This attractive 29-year-old has two strikes against her because she’s blonde and lives in Arkansas, though there are bigger things we can hold against her. One of these, however, would not be her partying skills because when she gets her drink on, everything else comes off and by that I mean she may not give you the shirt off her back but pro’lly will her pants.

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Speaking of a piece of class, this lovely thing was drunk driving a Pontiac Grand Am when she lost control and crashed into a motor home because that’s what they all live in in Arkansas. Then she spilled out of her car to flee the scene wearing a white sweatshirt and nothing else, and 50 cents naked (half “buck naked”, yo) stole the motor-home guy’s ride: a Power Wheels Truck. She climbed out of her wrecked car, hopped on the Power Wheels toy and started to make her getaway. Motor-home guy took his children to his mom’s house and when he came back, the babe was still in the middle of making her getaway. Finally the police came and when she blew, she blew big: three times the legal limit.

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First the margarita drive-thru, then YOLO, BITCHES!

Why should you vote for her? Because she’s the only can-idate sexy enough to reproduce.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: The mas so stupid he kidnapped himself!

Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #2)

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You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their deaths help out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #2

Beating around the Busch

Who among us has never been hard up with a hard on? i bet i’m not the only one who has hid his sausage in some moldy ass buns, who’s buried his bishop in the unholiest of holes, who’s laid some pipe deep in some dirt. But bad as i ‘ve been, i’ ve never tried to fill a bottle with my special sauce. Not like the second Bar-Win nominee in Ohio who was so desperate he decided Busch was close enough to Bush for him so he tried to have intercourse with a beer bottle. Why should you vote for him? He got a little more than he bargained for because instead of a piece of ass he got a piece of glass and cut his cock completely off while fucking the broken bottle.

Hey, you look sharp. What are you doing after the break up?

Hey, you look sharp. What are you doing after the break up?

Why should you vote for him? Because he truly can no longer pass his dirty genes on to further generations.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: Our first girl…and she’s hot!

Click here for a list of the Can-idates

Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #1)

Used 2014-01-06 BarWin Awards Can 1 (AlKHall Bar None Bar-Win Awards)

You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their deaths help out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #1

Over the top

Our first contender is like a nearsighted foot fetishist because he got off on the wrong foot. He was refused entry to a club in Northampton because he was too drunk

This bloke in Northampton was out on a pub crawl and having a piss up when he was thrown out of a pub for being too drunk and that should be your first sign to call it a night. The problem with being that drunk, however, is you may drunk dial but you never call it a night. He didn’t want to go home so he tried to sneak in the beer garden out back (and want a wonderful country England must be if they can grow beer) where the bouncers denied him entrance for being still too drunk (sign 2).

In a “Hold my beer and watch this” moment, he decided to go all James Bond on their ass by scaling an iron gate, except he forgot how drunk he was because he fell on one of the posts and impaled his leg on one of the spikes. He hung around for half an hour while the fire department cut the fence is seven places to free him.

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Actual picture of what actually went down – kinda

Why should you vote for him? Because the gate he tried to climb over was wide open.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: A guy who castrated himself in a Busch

Click here for a list of the Can-idates