Happy Swalloween in the Bar None

i’ve decided to start a tradition, if “tradition” means fucking up the same way twice. Which it does. So i’m taking down last year’s dead meat and hanging up some fresh shit for ’tis the season to be drunk.

From the juiced-box: The Pretty Reckless – Zombie

[Press ‘Play’ for a song that will make you cum to life]

To kick things off in the ass, here’s something i can’t believe has not yet caught on.

Bar None Swalloween 01

How has this not become a thing?

Concerning my dressing, this year i’ve decided to come as…much as possible. Here are some other killer costumes.

Bar None Swalloween 02 Expose yourself

Expose Yourself

Bar None Swalloween 03 Jager Bomber

Jager Bomber

Bar None Swalloween 04 Very Deep Throat

Very Deep Throat

Bar None Swalloween 05 Kool Aids

Kool Aids

Bar None Swalloween 06 Wine-Oh!

Wine-Oh!

Bar None Swalloween 07 Trick or Teat

Trick or Teat

Bar None Swalloween 08 Super Drunk Girl

Super Drunk Girl

This is where i keep the surprisingly popular Celebrity Halloween Costumes.

And the children! We can’t forget about the children! What would Halloween be without the little weenies?

Bar None Swalloween 09

Yes, it’s dated, but so have you.

Bar None Swalloween 10 Living Doll

Living Doll

Mad Boy

Mad Boy

Whatever you go as, make sure you go in piece…one piece.

Bar None Swalloween 12 Go Home, Skeleton, you're drunk

Finally, just in case all this fun has made you forget that i’m balls deep in recovery

Bar None Swalloween 13

10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Happy Hallowine in the Bar None

Heidi Klum: Beauty is Only Skin Deep

Welcome to my nightmare…

[Press ‘Play’ for a Trick and a Treat all in one]

So i’m gonna do something i haven’t done in a while if you consider “ever” a while. Tonight i’m going to decorate the Bar None for Halloween. So come on in, get your costume on and enjoy the floored show.

1) Take the kid out…

2) Get him drunk…

3) But not too drunk…

4) And never, never drink and fly

Have a happy Hallowine, y’all.