Booze Revooze: DARK SHADOWS

Dark Shadows Poster

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Donovan – Season of the Witch

[Press ‘Play’ for a fitting morsel]

So now i’m scurrying to throw this up online because i saw The Avengers way before y’all did and didn’t even know it so i could’ve had a jump on the world but instead the world jumped all over my ass. This time i checked my naughty list twice and saw we got Dark Shadows in Yeaman ahead of the States and i’m sure that Dark Shadows will be at least as successful in its opening weekend as The Avengers was and i hate to pull the same boner twice so i’m working late tonight in the Bar None for as long as it takes to get this served up.

Here are the “proof i saw it before you did” shots i got with my phone.

Michelle Pfeiffer - Dark Shadows still

Johnny Depp - Dark Shadows still

Ramblings: Headless Edward Sweeny Batman Shadows

Final Proof: 2½

You know how you get drunk with a puppeteer? He’s got his magic hands and can make the table come to life where bottles of wine become castle spires and pint glasses turrets standing over a moat of sloshed booze bearing coaster boats that traverse the morass of soggy cocktail napkins beneath swizzle stick lances battling the evil empties while ice cubes fade like ghosts that haunt the echo of “Last Call”. You drink in the scene with your eyes damp with surprise until you realize the puppeteer only has the one same story he’s borrowed from different sources but anyway you’re not meant to enjoy the tale but rather the way it’s told.

Dark Shadows Still, Johnny Depp

You know me—and if you don’t you should never stand that close without a condom or a gun—i like Tim Burton and i love Johnny Depp and i was talking to you about Chloë Grace Moretz [and i quote from October 2009: One pleasant surprise was the supporting role of Rachel, the lead guy’s younger sister, as portrayed by 12-year-old Chloe Grace Moretz. Her performance was solid, especially when considering her age. Keep an eye on her, she’s one to watch.] before i was cool and blah blah blah but you don’t care about that. You just want to know if you’re going to like it.

You won’t. You’ll pick on it like a bastard stepbrother you kind of feel sorry for and love a little but not enough to stand up against your friends who are so over Tim Burton. But you know what? It’s too bad you don’t like it because there’s a lot here to like.

Like the Tim Burton feel. Over the years he’s gotten richer and so has his toy boy Johnny Depp (who helped produce Dark Shadows) so they can afford to throw more into the special affects and costumes. Remember how we all loved the “cut with kindergarten scissors” cardboard style set design that littered Edward Scissorhands (arguably the only original thought Tim Burton ever had, and i say that as a fan, Tim) so much we even pretended to swoon over Winona Ryder’s blonde die job? Well, here it’s the same times ten and looks ten times better so much you don’t even really notice the dye jobs.

Eva Green, Dark Shadows still

The sets are great, the action is great because there’s lots of it and the story even moves pretty swiftly except where everyone gets tired at the end and the actors, holy shit, the actors are fucking amazing but then Burton always had one good eye for talented actors and you should see how his pal gal Helena Bonham Carter rocks the American Accent.

The downside is what all you guys are gonna focus on and that’s what pisses me off. It’s the same old actors and the same old Burton and the same old sets and the same old style and the same old same old but we like it, remember? How else do you think Burton got to become a cult icon? It was by making movies like this. So you may not leave the movie theater blown away like you were with Alice in Wonderland, but you will leave.

Before we get to the good shit, i gotta still keep carding my imaginary friend Chloë Grace Moretz who is still not older than 15 though she definitely does not act her age. Here, then, is my age appropriate tribute to a very talented and charming young actress.

Chloë Grace Moretz 2012-05-10 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Chloë Grace Moretz 04 In the Bar None

Chloë Grace Moretz Next To People In The Bar None

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½ Shots

First off, the actresses were all damn good and damn hot. Helena Bonham Carter was spot on with her performance but i’m not gonna dig into that well again for pictures because i’ve hit it so many times it’s starting to dry up. If you’re interested in seeing my reruns of the very beautiful Helena Bonham Carter, please peruse the link.

The real news in this movie is the beautiful French actress, Eva Green (31), who speaks English better than you, so chu’up. i thought she did a nice job and i know this because i wrote in my notes, “Eva Green does a nice job.” Mrs Demeanor disagreed, finding her accent so affected as to be off-putting which is fancy talk for, “She hates Eva Green for busting up Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis.” You be the judge. Do you see any talent here?

Eva Green 2012-05-10 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

If this isn’t enough for you to decide, there’s always my drawers at the bottom. Just scroll down til you hit the drawer and reach for the knob.

Also in Dark Shadows is the sinfully pretty Bella Heathcote (24) who gets bonus pretty points because she comes from Australia where, by law, the women are hot even in winter. Don’t believe me? What about now…

Bella Heathcote 2012-05-10 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

i’ve got some shots of her stuffed in my drawers as well. Reach around in there, you’ll get a hold of them.

Finally, there’s the ageless beauty of she by whom all beauty is judged and you know i mean Michelle Pffeieffer Fifer Fpeiffer Pfiffer Pfeiffer (54). She’s got this thing fashion model photographers call “good boner structure”. [Oh yes, i did just go there.] Not only does she rock the role of Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, she looks good doing it. Damn good.

Michelle Pfeiffer 2012-05-10 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Silken Butterflies

Pleasant surprise, there were even some Silken Butterflies here. Both of these young ladies played Hippy chicks and had us all clamoring for more Free Love because meat is getting so effing expensive.

Hippy Chick 1 was Sophie Kennedy Clark, from Scotland. Taste the Scotch. Feel the burn.

Sophie Kennedy Clark

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Hippy Chick 2 was the equally lovely Hannah Murray (22).

Hannah Murray

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There are little samples of these sips in my drawer.

For those of you more into 5 O’clock Shadows, there was the man i would go gay for (as long as i didn’t have to kiss him and junk), Johnny Depp (48).

Johnny Depp 2012-05-10 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Believe it or not and i don’t believe it myself, i put some shots of him in my drawers as well but it’s because they’re of him in the Bar None.

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

Helena Bonham Carter, Bella Heathcote, Dark Shadows Still

Not a lot to go on here. Helena Bonham Carter plays an alcoholic psychiatrist but it’s pretty stereotyped. She drinks all the time but we never see her drunk but in the mornings she always has a hangover. So there’s that and also the normal, standard references like:

  • HBC constantly drinking whiskey on the rocks
  • M Pfeiffer wine at dinner
  • Handyman drunk from a flask in the cornfield at night
  • HBC whiskey and milk for breakfast
  • Fishing Captain (Christopher Lee) with scotch in a scotch glass in the bar
Slurred speeches
Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.
–Dr. Julia Hoffman/Helena Bonham Carter

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3½ Shots

Alice Cooper, Dark Shadows

Definitely one of the best parts of the film. Set in 1972, Dark Shadows preys on those oldies but bloodies like the Donovan that heads this off but there’s also The Moody Blues – Nights In White Satin, The Carpenters – On Top Of The World, Elton John – Crocodile Rock, Black Sabbath – Paranoid, Iggy & the Stooges – I’m Sick Of You, and T Rex – Bang A Gong.

Also, there’s a cameo appearance by Alice Cooper herself who sings two tracks pseudo live. “No More Mister Nice Guy”, and this one.

[Press ‘Play’ for Alice Cooper – Ballad Of Dwight Fry]

Add to the real rock all the action crap they got flying all over the place and i think Dark Shadows really earned its 3½ shots.

dark-shadows-2012-johnny-depp-eva-green

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

  • Dan Curtis (television series)
  • Seth Grahame-Smith (screenplay)
  • John August (story)
  • Seth Grahame-Smith (story)

Directed by: Tim Burton

Dark Shadows cast

Starring

Michelle Pfeiffer – Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
Helena Bonham Carter – Dr. Julia Hoffman
Eva Green – Angelique Bouchard
Bella Heathcote – Victoria Winters / Josette DuPres
Chloë Grace Moretz – Carolyn Stoddard
Sophie Kennedy Clark – Hippie Chick 1
Hannah Murray – Hippie Chick 2
Johnny Depp – Barnabas Collins
Alice Cooper – Alice Cooper

Bottom Line

Did you not read what i said at the beginning? Johnny Depp helped fucking produce this movie and we like Johnny Depp in the Bar None so go and see this movie to support Johnny Depp especially because he’s pro’lly gonna be breaking up with Vanessa Paradis because she’s all Eva Green with jealousy about all the Dark Shadows Depp deep penetrated while erecting this tower of power.

Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Dark Shadows

Al K Hall’s Drawers

That’s all she wrote for the writing. No more gratuitous jocularity beyond this point; from here on out it’s all gratuitous semi-nudity.

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Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and not the soundtrack: Marilyn Manson – I Put A Spell On You

i got bragging rights again. Harry Potter and the Deathly Shallows: Part 2 came out in Yeaman on Wednesday the 13th of July and i got to see it on the morning of the 14th, one full day before most of y’all. Don’t be too jealous, though, read on to see why…

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Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE KING’S SPEECH

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and NOT the soundtrack:

[Press ‘Play’ for s-s-s-s-s-some r-r-r-real st-t-t-tut-t-t-t-tering]

I'm Speechless

Ramblings: The King’s Peachy

Final Proof: 3½ Shots

You know how you get drunk with English royalty—even one you’d bone? Sure, they’re nice enough as they sit there sipping the tea they spiked with Beefeater and they’re cooler than you thought because they get a little buzz on and tell a few jokes and say some shit you wouldn’t expect a Queen or a queen (hey, that’s the way they roll) to say and open up a little wider than you’d have thought possible as the gin starts diluting their blue blood, but they never truly cut loose as an English girl after three pints. Nobody laughs so hard beer comes out their nose and nobody gets so drunk they piss themselves and walk around in squishy shoes but instead, like at a British pub, the whole evening shuts down at around 11pm. You’ll be entertained for sure, but if you want a movie that’s not as flat and tepid as English beer, The King’s Speech is a royal disappointment.

Miss Demeanor Says This Looks Like Our Apartment

i liked The King’s Speech and if you don’t believe me all you have to do is look up there and check out the 3½ shots i gave this bad boy. This movie was as traditional and respectable and pleasant as teatime, and if that’s what you’re looking for then go and see this and god bless you and all who sail on you. But if you’re looking for something with more kick than warm milk, you may find yourself less high than dry here.

Still, i had a couple favorite parts and they were this one scene where the ponce and future King (Colin Firth) learned he could overcome his stammer by swearing. The other really cool thing was his wife’s (Helena Bonham Carter) desperate hope that things would be OK for him. That was pretty touching.

I G-g-g-got Your B-b-b-back

The rest of the movie was interesting in a historical way because there was a lot of shit that happened in England before that i really didn’t care a lot about and this movie showed me why not. Plus it got nominated for a buttload of Oscars so it must’ve been a good movie.

Speaking of Oscars, i wanna raise a glass to Colin Firth and foremothe because he got so drunk after winning a BAFTA (the British rip off of the Oscars) that he left his statue in the bar. If that’s what he does when he wins, i’m hoping if he loses he’ll come into the Bar None to drown his sorrows.

As if that wasn’t enough and you and i both know it never is, here’s the link to Oscar’s Booze Revoozes.

Guess what, we got us some vestibule virgins… i’m carding Freya Wilson and Romona Marquez. Freya played the young Princess Elizabeth, Romona was Princess Margaret and, at 11 and 10 years old very respectively, these talented young ladies aren’t allowed any further into the Bar None.

Freya Wilson

Ramona Marquez

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

Yeah, this movie was as sexy as pre-war England. Or post-war England. Or England any time, if you want to know the truth. Seriously, when someone asks you to rank sexy places, the United Kingdom is at the top only of Tom Cruise’s or Richard Gere’s To Do list and that’s just because it’s home to Freddy Mercury, Elton John and George Michaels.

Of course, there’s Helena Bonham Carter but she can’t carry the sexy for the movie all alone, especially with all the clothes they made her wear. Sure, it was nice seeing her in a more traditional than Harry Potter and the Burton stuff, it just would’ve been nicer to see her more traditionally naked.

Here’s more action than you’ll see from her in the movie.

There’s a couple spare shots of her hanging out in my drawers. Keep scrolling down ’til you see them.

For those of you less into tongues than twisters, i got Colin Firth.

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

Not a whole hell of a lot of that going on here either but at least it was more than the sex.

Here’s the breakdown:

  • They drink whiskey from a decanter
  • Expensive champagne and buckets of booze at King Edward’s Scottish party
  • Beer in pubs during The Speech

The King's Speech in the Bar None

Slurred Speeches

Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush): My father was a brewer, at least there was free beer.

.

Lionel: I’ll just put on some hot milk.

Prince Albert / King George VI (Colin Firth): I’d kill for something stronger.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Get real.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: David Seidler

Directed by: Tom Hooper

Starring

  • Helena Bonham Carter – Queen Elizabeth
  • Freya Wilson – Princess Elizabeth
  • Ramona Marquez – Princess Margaret
  • Colin Firth – King George VI
  • Geoffrey Rush – Lionel Logue

Bottom Line

See it so you’ll have something to talk about when pseudo-intellectuals squat the stool next to yours.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Oscar’s Booze Revoozes

Here’s a list of the Booze Revoozes written about films nominated for an Oscar:

(Oh yeah, the dead links will be resuscitated when i get off my ass and write them.)

Best Picture

The Social Network

The King’s Speech

127 Hours

Black Swan

True Grit

Actress in a Leading Role

Nathalie Portman in Black Swan

Actress in a Supporting Role

Helena Bonham Carter in The King’s Speech

Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit

Actor in a Leading Role

Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network

Colin Firth in The King’s Speech

Jeff Bridges in True Grit

James Franco in 127 Hours

Actor in a Supporting Role

Jeremy Renner in The Town

Geoffrey Rush in The King’s Speech

Directing

Black Swan by Darren Aronofsky

The King’s Speech by Tom Hooper

The Social Network by David Fincher

Also Runs

Alice in Wonderland (Art Direction)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (Art Direction)

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS (Part 1)

[Click here for the Booze Revooze of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows PART 2]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds – O Children

[Press ‘Play’ for some “mopping up the butcher’s floor / Of your broken little hearts”]

Ramblings: Rough Sects & Deathly Shallow

Final Proof: 2½ Shots

You know how you get drunk with a cult leader? Everywhere they go there’s all these hangers-on like martyrs on their crosses hanging on every word and no matter what the leader does, people fall to their knees and say it’s inspired but you know me (and if you don’t, pass me a glass and count your blessings) i’m not the type of drinker that’s gonna fall for that kind of prop-upganda. Because that’s exactly what this passionate play is all about, the literature, and you gotta read the instructions or else you don’t really get what all the zeal is about, it all just seems like self-glorification. So you’re drinking holy water with this leader and you seem to be the only one who doesn’t know what he’s talking about and all the people around you who’ve read the tracts religiously are enthralled like sinners on the road to salvation and you feel like a thorn in this guy’s side because the only kind of service you’re interested in is tableside. So you nod your head and play along and it’s amusing to watch the show while the faithful speak in tongues, gnash their teeth and do their dances but when it all comes down to it, the cult leader is a little boring and isn’t as deep as the glass you’re drinking from. That’s the kinda not so religious experience that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) is like.

You want the short version of this review? Here it is: read the book or stay at home. You know me (and if you don’t just stop drinking until you remember), i read all the time—beer labels, drink recipes and wine lists…yeah, i’m all about reading—but i didn’t peruse the Hairy Bible series and it’s hard to give a rat’s ass about HP&DH1 if you haven’t read the program.

i’d love nothing more than to give you chapter and verse of the movie but i really didn’t get even an inanimate conception of what the hell was going on here. Anyway, either you read the book or you didn’t and if you did then you already know what happened and if you didn’t you probably won’t understand it any better than me; it’s just our cross to bear. Let’s just say there was lots of manifesting all over heaven and earth, plus more action than i remember in the last movie (which i don’t remember a lot of because i slept through lots of it) but not as much as the first couple ones. Also, i keep reading that this movie is the most faithful adaptation, so if you don’t feel like seeing the flick but telling people you did, just say it was close to the book and everyone will believe you.

In the old days i would of told you the effects made this special but, babes, have you checked a calendar recently? We’re way past the days of CGI impressing us and there’s nothing here we haven’t seen before. The coolest part of the movie was a low tech, 2D sequence where Hermione reads “The Tale of the Three Brothers”. The animation is rocking cool and i was really impressed by the story telling as well. Like i said before, i didn’t read the books, but if “The Tale of the Three Brothers” is an indication of J.K. Rowling-in-the-Bucks’s talent, she seems to be more than halfway decent.

My other favorite part of HP&DH1 was the cast. Helena Bonham Carter makes hideous look sexy, Ralph Fiennes is fine, Alan Rickman is the man, and Bonnie Wright is oh so. What about the Potter, the Sun and the Holey Toast (that’d be Harry, Hermione and Ron)? Like Jesus Knows Rowling, the Creator that built this Universe in 7 volumes, her characters and the actors that portray them continue to evolve with each successful effort, waiting for their ultimate ascension to elysian realms of Jesus Christ Superstardom.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1 Shot

Yeah, yeah, like y’all are super surprised we only get one shot here. i’ll tell you what was surprising, though, Emma Watson side boob. And i’m not even kidding. There’s this one scene when a cloud or a tree or something is trying to make Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint, who i’m not even gonna exposé here, if you wanna see my Rupert shots you’re gonna hafta click here for the Booze Revooze of Wild Target) jealous so the entity puts on an en-titty show with a naked Hermione (played deliciously by the ever so legal Emma Watson) hugging a naked and hairy Harry (Daniel “I’m Not Gay, I’m English” Radcliffe). All the good parts are hidden by swirling smoke, but if you don’t blink you’ll see the briefest of glimpses of what we experts in movie reviewing refer to as “sideboobage”.

Speaking Her-miney, check out the picture over there on the left. Dollars to Drambuie you don’t know who the hell it is and i’m here to tell you her name is Susie Figgis. If you’re ever in a bar and you see this woman ask her for stock market tips because Susie Figgis is blessed with the gift. She was the casting director for the very first Harry Potter which means she’s the one who chose Emma Watson as Hermione Granger and look what a great investment that turned out to be. Emma was cute as a sprout and blossomed into a beautiful young lady which turned out better because can you imagine what would’ve happened if a post-pubescent Emma Watson (20) looked like Susan Boyle? Yeah, i know. Thank god Emma turned out like this.

Click on Image For Wallpaper Size

And for those of you who forgot what Emma looked like in the Bar None, it went something like this.

i got some pretty pretty single shots of Ms Watson rolling around my drawers “down there” if you wanna scroll to check that action out.

Following Emma on the cast list is Miss Bonnie “Miss” Wright (19). She plays Harry’s love interest, Ginny “Tonic” Weasley. i like her because she’s a redhead, even if i’m not convinced she’s a true redhead, because the next best thing to a real red head is a red head wannabe. Here’s what i’m on about.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’s more of the Wright stuff stuffed in my drawers at the bottom.

To change things up, we also had us some Helena Bonham Carter (44) action in HP&DH1 and if you haven’t heard me wax all over the place about how orgasmicaly cool Helena Bonham Carter is, you could see what that’s all about right here. One thing i didn’t mention before was how hot she is despite how decidedly odd she is. She put the “freak” back in “freaky”, ‘s what i’m saying. She’s the “oh” in “weird-o” and the “hot” in “psychotic”. You better stop me now because i could go on like this for days once i’m on a roll. She put the “in” back in “insane”, she drove the “screw” in “screwy” and busted the “nut” in “nutty”. Yeah, i’ll stop impressing you now to give you a taste of what i mean.

So Helena did a very cool job with her acting chops as Bellatrix Lastrange, shoving some meat into the skin deep role and adding a whole lot of depth. Plus she looked great doing it.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Got some more shots of she who puts the “rave” in “raving” down below, in my drawers.

Silken Butterflies

First up we have the very understated performance of a very cute girl who i know is cute because she’s French and if you’re not cute in France they kick you out and make you move to Belgium. Here then is Clémence Poésy (28), who played a Weasley fiancée named Fleur Delacour.

Ooh la la. Dere are manee mohr shots of ‘er een ze drers at ze bottume.

Finally, there’s the lovely Evanna Lynch (19) who makes her appearance as Luna Lovegood. And yes she does, here’s the proof.

There’s some more Luna Tickle in my drawers.

For those of you more into magic wands than boiling cauldrons, there’s Daniel Radcliffe (21):

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Here’s what made me say he’s not gay, he’s English; sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.

Daniel Radcliffe Gayish - Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

You know who else i think is cool? Alan Rickman (54). He’s been in all the Harry Potter movies but he’s been in some good films, too. Here’s kind of a greatest shots shot.

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

Helena Bonham Carter & Emma Watson At The Bar None Together

Yeah, guess what, there’s no booze in this thing. The only fucking high school in the universe where kids don’t get drunk. There’s a couple potions, one of which tastes like goblin piss and makes you look like someone else but that sounds suspiciously like day-old Leffe that’s been leffe-d out over night.

Nope, the only real alcohol reference is champagne glasses that get refilled automatically at the wedding between a Weasley and the hot French toast.  i’m telling you, Daniel Radcliffe’s 21st birthday party was a hell of a lot more fun, you ask me.

Daniel Radcliffe Drunk

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: ½ Shot

i’m feeling a little generous today so i’ll give the inclusion of a Nick Cave song in the movie a little nod, despite its being as out of place as a drunken poet at a kid’s Barbie Princess Party. Plus, like i already said, there was more action here than in the previous one (but not as much as the first couple), so i should pro’lly be as encouraging as possible and hope for the best when it comes to HP&DH2.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

J.K. Rowling (novel Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

Steve Kloves (screenplay)

Directed by: David Yates

Starring

  • Emma Watson – Hermione Granger
  • Bonnie Wright – Ginny Weasley
  • Helena Bonham Carter – Bellatrix Lestrange
  • Clémence Poésy – Fleur Delacour
  • Evanna Lynch – Luna Lovegood
  • Daniel Radcliffe – Harry Potter
  • Rupert Grint – Ron Weasley
  • Alan Rickman – Professor Severus Snape

Bottom Line

See it in the movies only if you read the book and feel the spell. If not, wait for it to come out on a double DVD pack with part 2.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Emma Watson (20)

Bonnie Wright (19)

Bonnie Wright in the Bar None

Helena Bonham Carter (44)

Helena Bonham Carter At The Bar None

Helena Bonham Carter Still At The Bar None

Clémence Poésy (28)

Clémence Poésy in the Bar None

Evanna Lynch (19)

Evanna Lynch Drunk and in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of ALICE IN WONDERLAND

[AllKHallism: Don’t mean to get all responsible on you, i feel it only fair to point out to those of you new to the Bar None that, while i may be reviewing a child’s film here, there is NOTHING appropriate for children in this Booze Revooze. Alice In Wonderland: PG. The Diary-a Of A Chronicle Drinker: NC-18. If you follow the link down the rabbit hole, you have only yourself to blame, sicko.]

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