Remember when Kendall Jenner turned 21 last Saturday? She sure doesn’t. But it’s normal, she turned 21 and that’s what 21 year olds do. Anyway, I’m sure it’s the first time she ever drank, right?
There’s only one direction to go from here and that’s further down. Read on to see exactly what Harry styles. (Hint: it’s puke.)
Here’s a ditty NOT from my juiced-box, dedicated to Harry and his Exes: One Direction – Up All Night
[Click on the link to find out why Harry was Up All Night. Hint: He was puking.]
The proof is, he keeps throwing it up all over the place.
There’s this English kid called Hairy Styles which sounds more like a fashion statement than a name but that’s how they roll in jolly olde England. If you’ve never heard of this guy don’t worry, i haven’t either. My ignorance isn’t all that surprising, though, when you realize i know everything there is to know about good music.
The reason i’m babbling on about this kid is because this photo was splattered all over the front page of the Internet a while back. Seems Hairy had to pull over and stomach sneeze.
At first i thought he’d been innocently listening to the radio when all of a sudden one of his own songs came on and, before he could change the station, he heard enough of it to make him hurl. Turns out there was a contributing factor. In addition to getting sick on his own tunes, he also had a hangover from drinking the night before with Lily Allen at the Nice Guy Bar in LA.
My assumption that his music was to blame is understandable, though, when you realize the effect One Direction’s “songs” (and i use the term as loosely as a whore’s vagina after giving birth at a donkey show) have on humanity at large. For example, check out these poor, impressionable young things that accidentally heard One Direction…
Which is not to say all girls hate the band, but One Direction fans are a special breed.
And collectively, these fan girls have formed the Nutsy party with the intention of eliminating all traces of good music from the planet with an ordered and systematic final solution. They’ve even given an old salute a modern twist to hail their leader.
But if you’re a One Direction fan and would like to date one of the members of this boys bandwagon, look at the following photographs of Hairy Styles’ exes and ask yourself: 1) Am I that hot? 2) Do I drink that much? If the answer to either is “No”, then send me an email with a naked picture of yourself (or at least topless) and then we’ll see which direction we go.
Kara Rose Marshall
Bar None Dregs
Let me take a moment now to raise a glass of Pepsi Max and and drink a dry toast to Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). A few years ago he started his little blog where he imitated my writing style (the sick bastard), and after a few emails, i encouraged him to be his gay self and press on. Well, last week was the first week that WTF!? (Watch the Film) surpassed this blog in total readers, so i want to congratulate him on well deserved success. And to take some credit for it. And to tell him now he has to start promoting the shit out of this blog, for a change.
His latest review is…
As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.
Bar None Drawers
Prints to share with your friends and Facebook page
What lies beyond is even more NSFW than the shit you just saw.