Vodka 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

20 All-You-Can-Eat Vodkas

2014-11-20 Vodka dinnerAfter the resounding success of my Vodka for 9-year-olds, i figured what the fuck, there’s grown ups who like vodka too, right?

The problem is, our tastes have moved past candy, but does that mean we have to stop enjoying vodka at all hours of the day? Fuck no!

Below you’ll find a selection of flavored vodkas you can have for any meal…dessert included.

As an alcoholic in recovery, i haven’t tried any of these but i’ll probably go off the wagon when they invent Cara Delevingne’s panties vodka (distill my beating heart).

That said, i’d love to hear from you in the tip jar (comments) if you’ve ever been brave enough to sample one of these. Which one did you try and what did you think?

To get you in the mood, from the juiced box, i give you: The Whiskey Bards – Drinking Man’s Diet

Wallpaper

Vodka 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

17 Vodkas You Will Eat Up

1. Breakfast Vodkas

Breakfast is the most important drink of the day. Most alcoholics recommend a hearty drink before braving the world outdoors. For those of you who want a big breakfast drunk, try

  • Maple bacon (WTF!?) vodka
  • Blueberry pancake vodka
  • Waffle vodka

Vodka 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Vodka 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

If you’re one of those who doesn’t like big breakfasts, not to worry. What about Fruit Loop vodka?

Vodka 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

You could even drink it out of a bowl

Still too much? How ’bout just a little bite on your way out the door.

Vodka 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Drunken Donuts

2. Lunch Vodkas

Busy at the office and looking for something to take the edge off? Try this blast from the past: PB&J vodka.

Vodka 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

No crusts and everything

Want to give that sammich a little kick?

Vodka 08 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

How to get pickled

Maybe you need something that’ll burn a little more going down.

Vodka 06 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Burns going both in and out

Not spicy enough? No problem, i got some Jalpeño vodka for you.

Vodka 07 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Burns both going down and coming up

To be sure you stay healthy, don’t forget to drink a little fruit. (Salty Watermelon? WTF!?)

Vodka 09 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Seedless

3. Dinner vodkas

A three-course meal is the perfect way to finish off the day if you’re still standing.

Starting with the appetizer… Scorpion vodka

Vodka 10 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Careful, it’ll sting

Then there’s Salmon vodka for the main course…

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Fishy

For dessert, we got a choice.

  • Cake vodka
  • Pumpkin pie vodka
  • Cupcake vodka
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Just Desserts

Wait, what, you want whipped cream with that?

Vodka 13 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Finally, something to wash it all down.

Vodka 14 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

How many shots?

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Are you glad i didn’t post this as a slideshow and make you go through each bottle one at a time? You could always thank me by…uhm, i don’t know… sharing this.

What about you? Have you tried any of these? Leave a comment below and let us know what you thought.

2014-11-11 Vodka for Kids

10 Vodkas 9-Year-Olds Will Love (A Top 10 Lips)

2014-11-11 Vodka for KidsHow many times have people come up to me and said, “Al K Hall, my kids just aren’t taking to vodka as quickly as I did at their age. What can I do to get them on the bottle sooner?”

Ok, no one has ever come up to me and asked me that question, but if they did, here’s what i’d answer…

But before we get into that, i have a little song for you from the juiced-box, to get you in the mood. Korpiklaani – Vodka

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

10 Vodkas Your Toddlers Will Eat Up

1. Peanut Butter & Jelly vodka

Kiddy Vodka 01PB&J Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

No crusts in here

2. Cookie Dough vodka

Kiddy Vodka 02 Cookie Dough Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

For when real raw cookie dough doesn’t make you sick enough

3. Chocolate Covered Pretzel vodka

Kiddy Vodka 03 Chocolate Pretzel Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Everyone’s go-to junk food, am i right?

4. S’mores vodka

Kiddy Vodka 04 S'more Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Good for getting drunk on right next to a roaring bonfire

5. Cotton Candy vodka

Kiddy Vodka 05 Cotton Candy Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Will stick to the toilet bowl, not your fingers

6. Bubble Gum vodka

Kiddy Vodka 06 Bubble Gum Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Now no one can burst your bubble

7. Red Liquorice vodka

Kiddy Vodka 07 Red Liquorice  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Liquor-ice

8. Fluffed Marshmallow vodka

Kiddy Vodka 08 Marshmallow  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

A new way to get toasted

9. Buttered Popcorn vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Buttered Popcorn  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Quieter for the movies

And if you want extra butter

Autumn Butter vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Butter Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

666: The number of the eats

10. Root Beer Float vodka

Because you need something to drink to wash all of these down…

Kiddy Vodka 10 Root Beer Float Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Sink or Swim

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10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

10 Drinks i’m Gonna Miss

My fellow alcoholics, D.R.I.N.K.E.R.s and members of the D Generation (Drinking Generation),

‘Tis i, your Temporal (as i will have to relinquish my crown shortly) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson here with another Top 10 Lips.

As you probably suspect, after the troubles earlier this year i’ve stopped drinking. While this decision is obviously something i need to go over in this blog, i’m still looking for an angle to address it in and still keep the trademark Al K Hall what-passes-for-humor tramp stamp that festers all through my posts like a tattoo from a dirty needle.

[For those of you who actually do care what’s up with my recovery, i’ve been unloading in fits and starts in the Comment’s Section of a friend’s blog: Bats’ The She Chronicles. The two posts where i upchuck the most are here and here. And Bats, babe? i’m so sorry for linking here without asking first. If too many of my dregs spill over onto your lovely flophouse, just let me know and i’ll bar the way (no, the other kind of bar, the bad kind, no the other bad kind, the one that’s a verb.]

Here then are those booze moments Al K Hall Free will long for the most because these are

10 Drinks i’m Gonna Miss

1. Free mini bottles of wine on the airplane

2. The first bottle of 3.2 on a 3-day bender

3. Vodka during sex

4. The glass of wine that loosens my tongue, tightens my speech, and greases my wheels at parties

5. Mojitos made in front of me by the barman while i’m sitting in a seat where Hemingway once sat

6. Frozen daiquiris by the pitcher drunk through a straw

7. The beer in the bar i cling to for ballast sitting across from the beautiful babe

8. Pastis on the beach on the first day of summer

9. Amaretto Sours on the deck of the sailboat sliding over the lake at sunset

10. Every drink ever tasted, wasted, nipped, sipped, lost or found, bought in a round, swilled then refilled, gotten free, tasted like pee, drank or sank even with the stank, forgotten, rotten, drunk straight down out on the town, slurped, burped, gulped fast or nursed to last, cold, bold, new, brewed, swallowed or spit ’cause it tasted like shit, consumed, resumed, hopped, dropped, toasted, roasted, put away, tossed back, knocked down and thrown back up again, absorbed, abhorred, dissipated, anticipated, partaken (stirred or shaken), quaffed, sloshed, drained like rain, tippled, rippled, lapped, sapped, sopped, rocked, swigged and sucked until it fucked me up and laid me down right on the viscous altar of a Friday night


[Click here for my other Top 10 Lips]