i like Obama in the way i like Rihanna. Just the other day i made her the Bar Nun because she’s into the booze more than the drugs and with Obama it’s the same. Dude likes his drink.
How much does he like it? He likes it so much he invented his own beer because he bought a home brew kit, gave it to his kitchen staff and told them to come up with something cool. Hell, if you were the President, you could do that, too.
Just like he has a Honey Blonde all the fucking time. He has one whenever he wants. Wherever he wants. Like right there on the table. i bet his wife even watches sometimes.
Before we got down to the dirty, let me drop this plate from the juiced-box on ya: Mark Lanegan – Morning Glory Wine
[Press ‘Play’ for the coolest thing you’ll hear today]
A couple weeks ago, President Barack Obama took his show on the road and his first stop was Ireland. ‘Cause apparently his ancestors are Irish and now I finally understand why they say “Black Irish”.
You and i both know another reason he went there was for the beer and if you don’t know what i’m on about, shame on you because i was all over that shit ages ago. For example, how come you didn’t read about Why the Nobels Chose Obamawhich i wrote way back in October 2009?! And there’s no excuse for not reading the very recent Obama Beer Laden and, in fact, i’m kinda pissed off because you’re lack of reading it meant no one launched a fatwad on me and i was kinda looking forward to that.
Anyway, i’m thinking Obama wanted to start off his tour with a free beer. This is why it’s called a “round” trip: he’s on a trip and it’s always someone else’s round. Here’s the photographic evidence of that.
Obama is not a beerholic. Probably not. But this doesn’t mean we don’t exist.
People are always saying they’re gonna stop drinking the hard stuff and only partake of beer or wine like that isn’t alcohol. i’m beer to tell you, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’s entirely possible and i’m nearly not living proof. Emphasis on Proof.
Wine was my drunk of choice for ages because it packed a 13% punch, cost about 3 bucks a bottle and 1 bottle was the perfect buzz. Two bottles was a good drunk and after 4 bottles was some of the best near death experiences i ever had if i could only remember them. Wine was easy to plan, ‘swhat i’m saying. Wine was faithful. i always knew where i stood with wine and that was right by her side.
Beer was different. i never liked the taste of beer and it always made me feel full and i had to drink a lot to get someplace else but that was also the upside, Chuck. Because i drank faster than a hole, liquor knocked me out quicker but beer helped me draw the night out and plus i got to piss like every ten minutes. Self-regulating, yo.
I'll Drink to That
All’s i’m sayin’ is i don’t believe the hype. Scientific studies (that i conducted in my living room watching TV) have proven the alcohol in beer and wine is the exact same alcohol in evil spirits.
If you’re gonna drink, may god be with you and not take you to the places i let the booze take me. If you choose not to drink: beer and wine count as alcohol, babes.
Bar None Dregs
In other news, i’ve been busy lately with writing projects and other blogs and going to AA meetings. Speaking of, i hit 5 months sober last Saturday. Also, thanks to Bats for stopping by to check in on me. i’m doing well, babe, ‘preciate your asking.
Linked to that [get it, linked to that? Don’t worry, you will right now], i started a new blog for movie reviews called WTF!? (Watch the Film). i basically take notes while watching a movie and post the notes and try to be funny. i created another persona to head the blog—his name is Saint Pauly and we’ll pretend he’s someone else but anyone reading this far is a regular and i got no secrets from y’all. Please feel free to Visit WTF!? (Watch The Film) and especially please leave a comment while i try to get it off the ground. Thanks!
Photographic evidence of the key moment that swayed the Nobel people to award Obama 2009’s Peace Prize:
From the Juice-box
July 30, 2009, Obama invites Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and the cop that arrested him, Police Sergeant James Crowley, to drown their differences in a mug ‘o’ beer. (For those of you who keep track of this kind of crap: Obama had a Bud Light, Gates had Sam Adams Light and Crowley had a Blue Moon. VP Joe Biden, who also attended, had a Bucklers, a non-alcoholic drink because he sucks–uh, i mean, ‘doesn’t drink’.)
This was the pivotal moment which gave Obama the extra push he needed with the Nobels to bag the Peace Prize. Let’s face it, there were a record 205 nominees this year and whatever powers that beer decide this kind of thing needed something to separate the wheat from the barley. (While the official list of nominees remains secret for 50 freakin’ years, another canidate was French President Nicolas Sarkozy–musta been a slow year for peace. Btw, the nominations were submitted in February but the decision was made in October, so the buzz of the Beer Summit took place way before last call.)
The Peace Prize was also an investment in the future. Here is an artists rendition of the kind of thing the Nobels are expecting of the American President:
Sure, Bin Laden [should i be freaked out that spell check doesn’t recognize ‘Obama’ but has no problem with ‘Bin Laden’?] doesn’t normally drink, something about its being against his religion, but i’m sure he’d be willing to make an exception if it was Blue Moon and for world peace.
[Almost forgot! A drink to Ken for bringing this bit of detente to my attention!]
i know there’s a lot of whining, from both the pro- and anti- Obama camps, over the President’s winning of the Nobel Peace Prize. As i’m apolitical (i don’t believe in politics), let me tell you this to allay qualms from both sides: i’m not offended.
i know all you D.RI.N.K.E.R.S. (Drunks Really Involved, Now Known as Exiles Reunited) were pulling for me, but i gotta tell you honestly: i wasn’t even nominated.
A shock, i know, but you know me (and if you don’t, you oughta), i’m all about the naked and all about the truth. As your FASe of the D-Generation (Drink Generation), i am in constant communication with the Nobel people to start a Nobel Pee’d Prize, for outstanding contributions made to the society of drinkers, but they keep putting me on hold.
Back to Obama. The man drinks. Not enough, certainly, only for photo ops, probably, but he’s admitted to excesses of booze in his past and he accepts being photographed with booze in his hand. If you’re here and you’re reading this, you know the Peace that alcohol can bring. Alls i’m saying is, let’s give the guy a chance.
After all, what could be more stupider than fighting over the Peace Prize?