Tired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.
i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.
From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.
[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]
1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”
Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy
Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.
[Before you get all up in my shit about how politically incorrect i am, please read the disclaimer at the end of this post.]
From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Rihanna: Big Sean feat. Chris Brown – My Last
[Press ‘Play’ to hear Chris Brown sing, “And I’m a hit this drink up like it’s my last, I’m a hit this night up like it’s my last, I’m a hit this ass up, like it’s my last”]
i didn’t tell y’all before because i’m telling you now.
i’m dating Rihanna.
Not right this second, but i’m dating her pretty soon and i can make this statement with a certain certitude because i’m convinced with a conviction as strong as Chris Brown’s that Rihanna’s got the necessary amount of stupid it takes to date me.
Don’t even try to tell me you don’t know what i’m talkin’ about, either. Haters be hatin’ and players be playin’ but don’t go doin’ neither on my ass, yo, ’cause you know damn well you saw the video where Chris Brown talks about how how hard it is to be in love with two ladies women at the same time and if you didn’t it’s at the top of this post.
The rumors have it that Rihanna is going to take Chris back and why the hell wouldn’t she?
Chris Brown on Rihanna: “I’d Hit That.”
i already told you like a month ago about how she’s got a drinking problem and hell, the first thing the ‘real’ Chris Brown says in that video is that he’s drunk and even in that fucking song he says first he’s gonna hit the bottle and then he’s gonna hit that ass.
So the mutual enabling for alcoholism is a giant thumbs up your ass and the codependency is all systems go to hell. Plus Chris Brown practiced not beating up a girl for one year and, to top it all off, Rihanna will chant the mantra of beaten and abused women across the country, “He’s changed, he said he’s sorry…”
You know what, though? Rihanna ain’t never gonna date my sorry ass and here’s why. i would never hit on her…
Just one thing before you go ballistic on me. i wrote this post out of anger that any woman would consider getting back together with the man who abused her. i have absolutely no sympathy for abusers, and while i understand the mechanics of this kind of relationship are complicated, they’re really not. Someone beats you, you leave and you don’t look back and you certainly don’t go fucking back to them so they can do it again.
For those of you who would say abusers can change, i’ll say “Good for them, they still deserve to be deserted as punishment for their heinous acts.”
For those of you who would point the finger at me and say maybe then i don’t deserve forgiveness for some of the asshole things i did while i was still a practicing alcoholic, i agree 100 fucking percent. If you’re one of the people i hurt through my drinking, i totally get that you would not want to forgive me and don’t blame you at all. If you are not one of these people, don’t judge me until you’ve puked a mile in my booze.
For those of you who would say that all this shit isn’t my business, i’ll stop posting this kind of commentary when Rihanna stops tweeting about her relationships and Chris Brown stops pretending to be real in the video messages he posts on fucking YouTube. Until that time, alls fair in drugs and whores.
OK, now you can go ballistic on me.
Bar None Dregs
Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.
Rihanna Dregs Collage Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper
Dregs wait for no time, not even summer time, and here’s a mess o’ proof of that right here. We got Rihanna partying harder than her body, Adele living larger than hers, and Kristen Stewart hanging looser than hers. There’s a drunk Bigfoot, how to get rich tips and the Sunny Iranians (or was it the Shite ones?) discover a cure for hangovers.
Rihanna will drink to that: Rihanna – Cheers (Drink To That)
[Press ‘Play’ to “Turn it around with another round”]
Ah, Montana, where the men are men and Bigfoot wasn’t dead…until last Tuesday. This guy, Randy (and aren’t we all after a few drinks), dressed up in a camouflage suit and ran around on the highway at night to start a Bigfoot sighting hoax. Unfortunately, Bigfoot is not as likeable as Randy may have thought because he was run over. Twice. First by a 15-year-old girl, then a 17-year-old girl.
While we could spend all night debating the possible merits of running around the freeway at night drunk and wearing camouflage, i suspect there was another reason Randy met his Makers Mark. You’ll notice both girls who ran over him were in their teens. Well, i’ve always raised my teenage daughter with the education that, when in the company of men, if she sees something she doesn’t recognize she should run it over–twice. Randy was running around erect and hairy, after all.
There were these two guys in Iran-so-far-away who kept getting drunk all the time so the religious government (God is my “vice” president) decided to step in and help eliminate those annoying hangovers once and for all by killing the drunkards. And it wasn’t easy. The first two times the govern-mentals tried whipping the alkies into shape but when that didn’t take, they decided to hang them dry. Talk about drinking yourself to death.
You know how all the world’s Australians are super nice and super helpful? Well, the world’s richest woman is no exception. Because she likes those of us here in the Bar None so much, she’s decided to share some of her get rich quick tips with us so we, too, can have more money than we know how to count.
There is no monopoly on becoming a millionaire. If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself – spend less time drinking, or smoking and socializing and more time working.
Hmm. Wise words indeed. She tells us what not to do, but not exactly what to do. Unless you read between the lines because what’s she’s really saying is, “Let them eat cake.”
Adele Smoking in the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
You know how Adele is pregnant and you don’t care? Here’s something a little more up our collective alley (and i’ll stay out of yours if you stay out of mine), she’s an alkie wanna-be. Alcoholism: Many are chosen but few are called. While she may sing like an angel, she drinks like a fish, which makes me think her album 21 Proof was not written about some guy, but her heartbreaking love affair with the bottle. This explains the secret behind songs like “Someone Likes Booze”, “Get Higher In The Rain”, or “Our Rum Has It”.
Makes me wonder what she was really Rolling in the Deep.
Times change. People change. It is with great somnolence that i strip Lindsay Lohan of the Bad Habit of Bar Nun so that i can crown a new Patronizing Sainte.
Sure, Lindsay had a couple DUI’s but i think we all knew deep down that while she may have given her liver to booze, her heart belonged to coke. Which is why i’m glad to announce that Rihanna is now the Bar None’s Bar Nun.
Not only did Jay Z, a man who stabbed a rival in the stomach at a bar, tell her she should go to rehab for alcohol but every time she goes to a new territory she has to mark it getting shit faced in it.
Most recently she went to a London club called the Rose Club (who are still wishing they’d thought of the name “Bar None”), where she got drunk on champagne and cocktails, then jumped on the table, broke it, and started to get thrown out until her friends yelled at the bouncers that they were up chucking THE Rihanna.
The Bar Nun is infallible like the Pope, which got proved when the bouncers put her down and apologized and the bar owner sent free drinks—and a new table—over to the table.
She left at 4am. To go to another party. Respect.
Rihanna’s Bar None Collage – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
Tons more shots of Rihanna after the link that says “Continue reading” at the bottom of this post.
Once again, the powers that Be (as in B-5…Hit!) decided it was better for everyone if we here in Yeaman got to see (as in C-3…Miss!) movie before (Hit!) they trusted the American audiences. Don’t believe me? Check it from my phone.
From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: AC/DC – Hard As A Rock
[Press ‘Play’ for Rock Hard]
Ramblings: More ‘Hit’ than ‘Miss’
Final Proof: 3 Shots
You know how you get drunk and play bored games? At first you’re all like, “Nah, that’s lame. I don’t want to play a fucking game, let’s drink more,’ but then your cousin says you can do both so you figure what the hell, might as well, he paid for Taco Bell so you break out the Battleship and set up the board and the first half hour is like American beer: bland and weak, until you accidentally find yourself getting into it and you remember that Battleship isn’t too bad of a game really and you start actually having fun even after the end-game point where it’s obvious who’s going to win. No way you’re going to play the damn thing every day like you did when you were 12, but you leave his basement glad you gave it a shot.
i know you were wondering how in the hell they could make a movie out of a kids’ game and if you weren’t, i was wondering it enough for he both of us. i’m gonna be Frank (because anyone’s better than being me), for the whole first half hour i thought they blew it because each scene was drawn out an extra 3 minutes longer than it needed to be and i started thinking Sorry would have made a better movie than this sorry shit, until…when the excitement started, the movie got exciting.
If you wanna be late, this is the perfect movie to be late to. Go ahead and shotgun and extra Pabst or two in the parking lot before you go in because if you miss the first half hour you’re not missing anything.
This is not to say there was smooth sailing after the stormy seas. Rhianna is a lot of things like hot and a party girl and…well, OK, she’s two things but actress isn’t one of them. Brooklyn Decker out-acted Rhianna, s’what i’m saying. If i were y’all i’d try to get over to Yeaman as soon as possible to see this movie because they may cut some of her shit and there’s tons to cut from as she’s basically in every scene because apparently there’s a job in the Navy which is “Gun Bitch” meaning you shoot everything from canons to machine guns to torpedoes on the boat, off the boat, in the boat…
Speaking of tons to cut, there was one scene i won’t spoil for you here because to truly enjoy the extent of the absolute corniness you have to cringe to it without warning, but there was a heroic scene that was so ridiculous it had everyone in the theater rolling in the aisles. It’s so bad that if you see the movie and say to someone else, “You know that one scene…?” they’ll be all like, “Yeah, the one where________.” If the producers want to be nicer to you than to me, they’ll cut that shit out. Literally.
But wait, i told you i liked the movie and i really did. There was lots to like, swear to god. Like i already said, once the action started there was action and it was super helped by the special effects which were truly special even if i didn’t see this in 3D and occasionally got distracted by the effects special for 3D that looked stupid in 2D.
While cliches were the depth chargers that mined this movie, there were a couple things that helped helped buoy this Battleship and keep it off the rocks. Thing #1 was the American soldier giving up command of his boat to a Japanese guy with more experience. A surprise move because who expects this kind of shit to be realistic. Thing #2 was that even some good guys died. Sure, not the heroes, but some people on our team died and this always helps make a movie better than TV. My favorite thing, though, was Thing #3. There’s this one character with artificial limbs that looked too good realistic to be CGI and turns out, sure enough, the actor is a physically handicapped veteran whose legs were blown off by a roadside bomb in Baghdad as he was coming back from a memorial service for two dead soldiers from his brigade. Hat’s off to Lieutenant Colonel Greg D. Gadson–Respect.
Those things helped make the movie worth the watch. Basically, Battleship was better than i expected it to be, but i expected it to be really really bad.
The “Battleship” Game in Battleship
Yes, there was a nod to the game “Battleship” in the movie Battleship. The above screenshot shows the set up of the board, and in one scene the good guys were unable to use their electronic telescopes to see the bad guys, so they had to use tsunami detecting buoys in the water to find the bad guys’ location. When a buoy moved, the captain would yell out the coordinates, “C-42” for example, and Rhianna would fire there. Once, when missile attained its target, someone even yelled out, “It’s a hit!”
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 2½ Shots
There were only two ladies in the movie, so the shot ratio got sunk before it even left the dock, but the two ladies where Hip Hop Pop Rock Roll Model Party Hard Bod Rhianna and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Goddess BrOOklyn Decker (and if you don’t know why i use “OO” in her name, you don’t know who BrOOklyn Decker is). i already mentioned i was surprised to find BrOOklyn Decker (25) acting circles around Rhianna, who i found a little flat and no, i don’t mean in the bikini department. ‘Course maybe that’s explained by the fact BrOOklyn is a method actress, whose method consists of running around in tight, low cut tops in slow motion.
Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
There’ll be lots of shots of her filling my drawers, if you wanna scroll all the way down.
i already mentioned Rhianna (24) is a party girl but i’ll prove that later. i also already told you she can’t act but you’re gonna have to take my word for it until you see this on the big screen but what i am able to prove to you right here is that she is hot. Red hot.
Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
i got more shots of her in the drawer, under BrOOklyn Decker, if you can believe that.
For those of you more into Hits than Mrs, there was a lot for you here.
Following his is an actor i can’t take seriously because he’s too fucking kitsch. Literally. His fucking name is Kitsch for god’s sake. Fortunately for Taylor Kitsch (31), he made Battleship before John Carter came out and he was even luckier that this one came out second so there’s a chance people will forget he tanked before he shipped out. Another little known fact about the ex-model is that he’s allergic to shirts.
Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
Also, i’d like to have a drink to him for not using his good looks in this movie. He had to go the military haircut route and, while this may not be the best look for him, it helped me take him seriously as an actor. So did the fact i didn’t know he was a top-less model before i started looking for photos of him online.
To wrap this section up, Mrs D has a soft spot for our man Liam Neeson (59), so imma post a rerun shot of him. Here you go, babe!
Click On The Image For Wallpaper
Drink: ½ Shot
And i started out with such high hopes, too. The movie begins in a bar with big brother Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård) toasting his little brother Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) because it’s the little Hopper’s birthday. They drink shots with Bud chasers until Samantha Shane (BrOOklyn Decker) comes in and asks for a chicken burrito.
See, that’s what i was talking about when i was talking about her method of acting.
The only other booze reference is displayed in the Decker / Kitsch shot heading off the sex section up there which shows the beautiful people rolling around on top of each other with wine bottles next to them.
While i’m in this section, though, let’s take a quick look at the cast shots i got of them in the Bar None.
Rhianna in the Bar None / Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper
Alexander Skarsgard in the Bar None
Taylor Kitsch in the Bar None
There’s gallons more shots of Rhianna drinking hitting the very bottom of my drawers.
Rock & Roll: 4 Shots
Yes, i will go all the way up to 4 shots on this one and let me tell you why.
First off there was the incidental music track which rocked the boat thanks to the presence of Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello, who worked on at least two of the tracks here.
Plus, there were a lot of songs in the movie that weren’t part of the traditional soundtrack. i scoured the net looking for them but i’m afraid my list is going to be the most complete until someone else has the time to read the credits. Anyway, there was
The Black Keys – Your Touch
AC/DC – Hard As A Rock
AC/DC – Thunderstruck
The Stone Temple Pilots- Interstate Love Song
Sugabaes – Angels With Dirty Faces
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Fortunate Son
Dropkick Murphys – Hang ’em High
Billy “Get the fuck out, no i’m serious” Squier – Everybody Wants You
Which sounds like this.
[Press ‘Play’ for a blast from 1982.]
HELP ME! There was a very cool southern rock remake of “25 Lighters” (originally by Dj Dmd, Lil Keke and Fat Pat) and i can’t find it anywhere and i looked fucking hard. Anyone out there know what southern rock band remade “25 Lighters” ’cause it’ rocked.
On Hell of a Boom Box
Apart from that, there was also the action i already talked a lot about. So basically we got cool soundtrack, cool songs and cool action, all of which punch this up to 4 shots.
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber
Directed by: Peter Berg
Brooklyn Decker – Samantha Shane
Rihanna – Raikes
Lieutenant Colonel Greg Gadson – Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales
Liam Neeson – Admiral Shane
Taylor Kitsch – Alex Hopper
Alexander Skarsgård – Stone Hopper
See it. Take a teen to see it and you’ll even enjoy it more. If you see it and don’t like it, tell me and i’ll play a game of “Battleship” with you and then you’ll realize this movie is better than a lot of shit in life.
Here’s some other articles Saint Pauly and me and The Rod wrote you could also check out.
The Rod’s review of Battleship
"Battleship" at Fernby Films
Saint Pauly’s Review of Green Lantern
"Green Lantern" at WTF!? (Watch the Film)
Saint Pauly’s review of Battle Los Angeles
"Battle Los Angeles" at WTF!?
Saint Pauly’s Review of I Am Number 4
I Am Number 4 at WTF!?
Al K Hall’s Drawers
Here’s where i stop kidding around because, beyond this point, it’s all about the pictures which are worth way more than my pitty thousand words.