Vodka 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

20 All-You-Can-Eat Vodkas

2014-11-20 Vodka dinnerAfter the resounding success of my Vodka for 9-year-olds, i figured what the fuck, there’s grown ups who like vodka too, right?

The problem is, our tastes have moved past candy, but does that mean we have to stop enjoying vodka at all hours of the day? Fuck no!

Below you’ll find a selection of flavored vodkas you can have for any meal…dessert included.

As an alcoholic in recovery, i haven’t tried any of these but i’ll probably go off the wagon when they invent Cara Delevingne’s panties vodka (distill my beating heart).

That said, i’d love to hear from you in the tip jar (comments) if you’ve ever been brave enough to sample one of these. Which one did you try and what did you think?

To get you in the mood, from the juiced box, i give you: The Whiskey Bards – Drinking Man’s Diet

Wallpaper

Vodka 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

17 Vodkas You Will Eat Up

1. Breakfast Vodkas

Breakfast is the most important drink of the day. Most alcoholics recommend a hearty drink before braving the world outdoors. For those of you who want a big breakfast drunk, try

  • Maple bacon (WTF!?) vodka
  • Blueberry pancake vodka
  • Waffle vodka

Vodka 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Vodka 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

If you’re one of those who doesn’t like big breakfasts, not to worry. What about Fruit Loop vodka?

Vodka 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

You could even drink it out of a bowl

Still too much? How ’bout just a little bite on your way out the door.

Vodka 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Drunken Donuts

2. Lunch Vodkas

Busy at the office and looking for something to take the edge off? Try this blast from the past: PB&J vodka.

Vodka 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

No crusts and everything

Want to give that sammich a little kick?

Vodka 08 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

How to get pickled

Maybe you need something that’ll burn a little more going down.

Vodka 06 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Burns going both in and out

Not spicy enough? No problem, i got some Jalpeño vodka for you.

Vodka 07 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Burns both going down and coming up

To be sure you stay healthy, don’t forget to drink a little fruit. (Salty Watermelon? WTF!?)

Vodka 09 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Seedless

3. Dinner vodkas

A three-course meal is the perfect way to finish off the day if you’re still standing.

Starting with the appetizer… Scorpion vodka

Vodka 10 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Careful, it’ll sting

Then there’s Salmon vodka for the main course…

Vodka 11 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Fishy

For dessert, we got a choice.

  • Cake vodka
  • Pumpkin pie vodka
  • Cupcake vodka
Vodka 12 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Just Desserts

Wait, what, you want whipped cream with that?

Vodka 13 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Finally, something to wash it all down.

Vodka 14 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

How many shots?

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

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Are you glad i didn’t post this as a slideshow and make you go through each bottle one at a time? You could always thank me by…uhm, i don’t know… sharing this.

What about you? Have you tried any of these? Leave a comment below and let us know what you thought.

2014-11-11 Vodka for Kids

10 Vodkas 9-Year-Olds Will Love (A Top 10 Lips)

2014-11-11 Vodka for KidsHow many times have people come up to me and said, “Al K Hall, my kids just aren’t taking to vodka as quickly as I did at their age. What can I do to get them on the bottle sooner?”

Ok, no one has ever come up to me and asked me that question, but if they did, here’s what i’d answer…

But before we get into that, i have a little song for you from the juiced-box, to get you in the mood. Korpiklaani – Vodka

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

10 Vodkas Your Toddlers Will Eat Up

1. Peanut Butter & Jelly vodka

Kiddy Vodka 01PB&J Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

No crusts in here

2. Cookie Dough vodka

Kiddy Vodka 02 Cookie Dough Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

For when real raw cookie dough doesn’t make you sick enough

3. Chocolate Covered Pretzel vodka

Kiddy Vodka 03 Chocolate Pretzel Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Everyone’s go-to junk food, am i right?

4. S’mores vodka

Kiddy Vodka 04 S'more Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Good for getting drunk on right next to a roaring bonfire

5. Cotton Candy vodka

Kiddy Vodka 05 Cotton Candy Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Will stick to the toilet bowl, not your fingers

6. Bubble Gum vodka

Kiddy Vodka 06 Bubble Gum Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Now no one can burst your bubble

7. Red Liquorice vodka

Kiddy Vodka 07 Red Liquorice  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Liquor-ice

8. Fluffed Marshmallow vodka

Kiddy Vodka 08 Marshmallow  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

A new way to get toasted

9. Buttered Popcorn vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Buttered Popcorn  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Quieter for the movies

And if you want extra butter

Autumn Butter vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Butter Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

666: The number of the eats

10. Root Beer Float vodka

Because you need something to drink to wash all of these down…

Kiddy Vodka 10 Root Beer Float Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Sink or Swim

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

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Drunk On Your Ass

You gotta check this song out…

It’s a remix by Divabaci, a regular reader, commenter and writer of Love, Life, Loss and Other Alliterations.

Check out the song and, if you like it, Vote for it, you supportive Somana beaches. Remember when you needed help and wished someone was in your corner? It’s as easy as clicking and Voting.

Vodka Tampon

Drunk On Your Ass

From the intelligentsia that brought you eye shots and butt chugging…

Now, how many times have people called you a drunk asshole?  How many times have you gotten drunk off your ass? Has anyone ever told you to take that drink and shove it up your ass? Guess what, now you can.

There’s a not so new fad that’s snaked its way into the back door of America’s youth and it comes in the form of a tampon. Apparently, you’re not anybody until you’ve doused a vampire’s teabag with vodka and wedged it up your rectum.

What will they think of next? Hopefully something that actually works because one journalist chick tried this for reals and said it just made her feel a little light headed, but i’m thinking that may just come from bending over in a toilet stall and trying to back a drunk driver up the Hershey highway.

Celebrity Dregs

February 2, 2012: Should He Hopper?

Lindsay Lohan was spotted like a leopard in my Gramma’s yoga pants which is just where Henry Hopper wants her. His dad is the late Dennis Hopper and guess what, he’s so late he’s not even coming because he’s dead. To imagine that what grew from his man yeast is now out on a booze run with “Mo-han Full Is A Waste” must have Dennis rolling one in his grave.

Not to worry, Hop-Head, she wasn’t using him for his peen work but rather his puny arms because she bought more booze than she could carry, which is a lot because girl can hold her liquor until she starts hurling it at people.

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Bar None Dregs

February 24, 2012: Oh No She Dinnit!

Oh yes she did. Mrs Demeanor, otherwisely known as my wife, finally started that blog about being married to someone like me. She named it after our sex life, now what?, and you can get there by clicking on the link.

February 23, 2012: Saint Pauly’s Kingdom

My tolermate, Saint Pauly, posted a pretty funny review (for once) over at WTF!? (Watch The Film). Give the guy a break–he’s so whack he at least deserves a pity hit.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: July 19-25, 2010

Polish Girls - Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Commoner Dregs

July 23: Drink $750 Beer Out of a Stoat

God but i love headlines that don’t need my help to be funny. And that are educational to boot–how else you gonna learn what a “stoat” is if it’s not for me? Y’all are probably too drunk to remember, but a while back i posted about a Scottish brewery called Brew Dog. They came up with this record holding 41% beer. Until this wimpy German brewery pushed the record by a measly 2% to 43% So what did the Brew Doggers do? Retaliated with The End of History55% (Brew) Dawg! The cool part is you get to drink it out of a stuffed animal. Only thing worse than i can’t afford it at $750 a bottle is that there aren’t any left if i could.

July 18: Feeling A Little Run Down?

The worst thing about criminals is we got all kind of shots of their ugly mugs and none of their victims. ‘Cause i really wanna see what kind of dude would be engaged to Maureen Geddie, this 65-year-old entity in Huntington Beach. To show her gratitude to this guy for his ultimate sacrifice, she ran him down on the Pacific Coast Highway. Then did it again. Then tried to do it again but bystanders pulled the doomed guy away to “safety”. When the cops came, she ran a red and tried to run them over but crashed into a parked car. Mixed in the cocktail of her arrest report was driving under the influence.

July 25: How Many Pollacks Does It Take To Taste Vodka?

i have no freaking idea how many fish it takes to tipple vodka (you didn’t really think i allowed racial jokes in the Bar None, did you?). But in other, less exciting news, Polish vodka tasters are tense, stinky sloths—this because they aren’t allowed to smoke, wear perfume or drink coffee. The real reason i included this in the dregs this week is so i could post the collage up top and this young lady. Who wouldn’t want to do body shots off this stripper Pole?

July 19: Stop Being Drunk, Lazy and Stupid – Just be Drunk and Lazy

"Video Online"--Cooooooool / Click on the Image to Order

You know how you drink wine out of those tiny little baby glasses they should reserve for toddler tipplers? The drink lasts like 5 minutes tops and then you gotta keep heading back to the stoop out behind the trailer to get more. Here’s the solution: a wine glass big enough to hold an entire bottle. Look at the ad, it holds both chardonnay and merlot; talk about practical. Wonder if it works as well for white?

i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Sure, that’ll work for my Cozy Night In, but what about special occasions?” i got your backs, babes. Amazon has the same for champagne…

Click on the Image to Order

Bar None Dregs

As y’all have noticed, i haven’t been behind the Bar much this week. Several reasons for that and i’ll just spew them out here for anyone who cares. First off, i’ve created another blog life and it’s kind of eating away into my time here with y’all. The reason is linked to my catastrophic, i’m literally hoping not to be evicted, bank account situation which means i’m looking for ways to pimp myself out and not let people in on my alcoholism. On top of that, i’ve also got my real life thing going on and, between you and me, i’ve been a little blue lately. Link that to the bank account and to the numbers of patronizers here at the Bar None.

You may remember last week how i was all psyched about my figures. Remember? How they went over 3000 in one single day? This week, they’ve nose dived and crash driven straight into the toilet; there have been days when i didn’t even make over a thousand page hits.

On top of that, maybe i’ve been feeling bad because i started drinking again. Not a lot, but i wanted to hold off until this coming Friday but i had about 4 glasses of wine at two lunches last week and about 8 beers on Friday. So yeah, i guess i’ve been ashamed to come back in here and ‘fess up about that. On top of that, i’ve got four business lunches next week. Jesus god.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Photos

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Pour Man’s Cocktail Recipes: One-Eyed Wonder Worm FLYING Purple Popper Drinker

The juiced-box inspiration for the drink name:

[Press ‘Play’ if you give a Hits]

Ok, i’m a little too drunk to be posting but i can still type and later it’s only gonna get worse so i’m gonna get this out as best i can.

One-Eyed, Wonder Worm Flying Purple Popper Drinker [AKA Flying Purple Popper Drinker]

i know how religiously y’all have been following my Twitter Page, and when i say that i’m totally sarcastic from the heart. But for the one, maybe two, of you who’ve wondered what the ‘One-Eyed Wonder Worm Flying Purple Popper Drinker’ is, i’m here to share with you.

You’ve pro’lly guessed where i’m going with this and i won’t disappoint:

One-Eyed, Wonder Worm Flying Purple Popper Drinker [AKA Flying Purple Popper Drinker]

“]

One-Eyed, Wonder Worm Flying Purple Popper Drinker (Flying Purple Popper Drinker)

Recipe

  • Tall glass
  • 4 ice cubes
  • Cheap Ass Vodka
  • 1 Energy Shot
  • Grape Juice

Instructions

  1. Take tall glass firmly in your masturbation hand
  2. Add ice cubes
  3. Pour in as much Cheap Ass Vodka as you want [but if you fill it to the rim, there won’t be enough room for the other crap—i suggest a double shot]
  4. Add the Energy Shot
  5. Top off with grape juice

Effects

There are many reasons i’ve named the drink ‘Flying Purple Popper Drinker’. One is that you fly when your drink it. The second is that it’s purple. Another is that the Energy Shot (see photo) makes your face turn purple and gives you a head rush whenever you stand—like doing poppers. The other reason is you drink it.

What i’m saying here is that the Energy Shot will give you a rush so i suggest not drinking more than one of these a day. After the first, repeat recipe but drop the Energy Shot so you just get a Vodka-grape juice.

PS i’m adding this to the Drinks AlKHall-Bum

PPS Also mentioned in my Twitter page is the Screw Multivitamin so i’m adding that to my Al K Hall-Bum as well.

Dregs of the Week: Nov 22 – 29

Tawny Kitaen

Tawny Kitaen

What’s in the store for you this week: Tawny Kitaen is officially charged and a Charger is officially suspected. A Bulgarian politician receives ‘highest’ honor ever, Tennessee applies for Statehood, and New Yorkers get drunk on a wild turkey. Not to mention….are you ready? Here it comes….the Patron Deity of The Bar None: David Hasselhoff!  Click below on the title or link below to see it all.

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i’m Proclaiming A Vodkwā

As a prerequisite to this post, you need to watch this video:

Vodka Kamikaze

Click On Image To Watch Video

As Functional Alcoholic Slurperson of the Drinking Generation, i declare a Vodkwā against the forklift driver. Yes, i proclaim a Stoli War on the infidolt who destroyed so much of Russia’s sweet potato juice.

Bring me his head on a platter! And a Vodka Martini!