The Grand Budapest Hotel 07 drink (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

0-5 Shots Booze Revooze: The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Grand Budapest Hotel 01 poster (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Ramblings: A Penthouse Sweet

Before ya’ll get your collective panties (and you oughta stop with that, it’s all kinds of not sanitary) about how i’m bullshitting my way through this review because The Grand Budapest doesn’t come out for another 3 days…check this out.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 02 proof (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

See that date? 26/02/2014, babe. So i was in the Hotel, soiling the sheets and raiding the mini bar way before you got here.

Final Proof: 3 Shots

3 shots

You know how you get drunk with a girl you like? She’s kind of your friend but you’ve always wanted to take it to the next level because she’s cute and funny and sexy and even a little dirty and finally she tells you to meet her in a room at the Motel 6 with a bottle of bargain tequila and a box of condoms. So you spend the day in sticky anticipation of all the liquid fun in store for the evening but like all pleasures that get put off, there comes a moment when it’s more fun to wait than consecrate, to anticipate than consummate. The hotel room you meet in is a poor excuse of a bedroom and what you imagined her lips would feel like, what you thought her skin would smell like, what you hoped her body would taste like was far softer, sweet  your imagination of her body was more delicious than her body itself. Not that she’s ugly by any stretch, it’s just she sports the ass of someone you like and not love so you don’t really get into it. The Grand Budapest was like that ass, no matter how drunk you get, you appreciate how good it looks but you just can’t get deeply into it.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 03 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Is that flour on your face or were just making batter?

i don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe i was too tired but The Grand Budapest didn’t open for me. i feel bad about this on so many levels that i’m tempted to lie here and say i loved it because i’ve heard the rumors that this is Wes Anderson’s break out movie and if any director deserves a break out, it’s Wes.

All the ingredients were there for a successful cocktail even. The script was well written, the story was engaging, the actors were amazing (Fiennes and the little boy (Tony Revolori as Zero) were perfect) and the look, the style the feel of the film was the best part. It looked like a delicious pastry from your favorite bakery.

Why i didn’t like it is more elusive because i’m not sure, so let’s talk this through and see if we can’t figure it out. i think one of the problems is that, like the cake, it was too sweet but not nourishing enough. Like Wes had followed the recipe to the letter and get the cake that looked exactly like the picture in the cookbook, but my tastes run more towards the improvised, the surprise.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 04 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

“This is what happens when you don’t put the seat down.”

Here’s some excuses as for why i didn’t get into Hotel:

  1. i was tired and fell asleep in the movie
  2. After Moonrise Kingdom, which i loved the shit out of, i had very high, too high, expectations for this one
  3. i suck

You know how you sit in the can for a long time trying to make a deposit and you feel the need and you keep trying and pushing but nothing comes from it? That’s how i felt in the movie theater, trying to force myself to love The Grand Budapest and just not succeeding. Maybe i’ll try to watch it again and stay awake through the whole thing this time.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 05 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

“No, you can’t change jobs. His is flushing, yours is wiping.”

You know what i’d really like? If you’re feeling especially generous maybe you could see the film and tell me how wrong i am in the comments. Shame me into liking this film, goddammit.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

WATCH OUT! SOME OF WHAT FOLLOWS IS NSFW!

Sex: 0 Shots

Yeah, no big surprise here. Wes isn’t really known for his steamy sex scenes. Which is cool because going to a Wes Anderson film for the sex scenes is like going to church for rationality. Fortunately you got me here to give you a hand…so to speak.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 06 sex (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

The sexiest shot in the whole film

Like there was Saoirse Ronan as Agatha. i was so glad to see her here and doing a good job acting because i thought Stephenie Meyer broke her when Saoirse starred in The Host. Apparently, however, Saoirse is more resilient than Kristen Stewart doing Twilight because Ms Ronan holds her own here–but not anyone else’s. Which is why i’m posting this.

Saoirse Ronan Bar None Wallpaper

Saoirse Ronan Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

The same lack of sexiness carried over to hot French babe Léa Seydoux, which is pronounced like “Say Do” but she says “don’t” throughout this whole movie because she’s not in it very long and even if she plays a French Maid, it’s not even half as sexy as it sounds. Here’s a wallpaper of her trying not to be sexy too, by hiding her boobs from us but she’s only partially successful.

Léa Sydoux Bar None Wallpaper

Léa Sydoux Bar None Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

If you made it past that, here’s the blow by blow:

  • Glimpse of an elderly naked woman in bed
  • Maid Clotilde [is hot] [i wrote this before i recognized it as Léa Seydoux]

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

2 shots

i was pretty surprised actually. i never woulda thought it’d have gone up this high but there you have it. There were pretty regular references to drinking, even if drinking wasn’t key to the script.

  • Champagne bottle at dinner
The Grand Budapest Hotel 07 drink (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

“To my health, ’cause yours is fucked.”

  • The film is set in Zubrowka [which is the name of a polish vodka]

Bring Pouilly-Fuissé 1926 so we don’t have to drink the cat piss in the dining car.

Ralph Fiennes / M. Gustave packing before a train trip

The Grand Budapest Hotel 08 drink (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

“I take my drinking like my men, two-fisted.”

  • Whisky and champagne at the reading of the will
  • Green Goblin bad guy [i spaced Willem Dafoe’s name] takes sips from his flask on his motor cycle

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

C’mon people, you don’t go to a Wes Anderson film for the rock.

The Grand Budapest Hotel 09 rock (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

“Shoot, or I’ll stop.”

Boring Technical Crap

The Grand Budapest Hotel 10 cast (AlKHall Booze Revooze)Written by:

Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness – Story
Wes Anderson – Screenplay

Directed by: Wes Anderson

Starring

Saoirse Ronan – Agatha
Léa Seydoux – Clotilde
Ralph Fiennes – M. Gustave
F. Murray Abraham – Mr. Moustafa
Willem Dafoe – Jopling

Bottom Line

My suggestion to you is to definitely see it, especially if you like Wes Anderson and to ignore everything i think about it.

Another Round

moonrise-kingdom-poster1

Booze Revooze of Moonrise Kingdom

the-host-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film-saint-pauly

WTF!? review of The Host

zSkyfall-Review-Logo

The Rod’s super professional review of Fiennes in Skyfall

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Nothing clever from here on out, unless you think NSFW T&A is clever. In which case, what’s coming is fucking brilliant.

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Booze Revooze: MOONRISE KINGDOM

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

So i found out there’s this thing in France called the Cannes Film Festival which doesn’t make any kind of sense because over there they drink wine out of bottles but oh well, you know the French and if you don’t they’re cheesy as a Nora Efron movie. i’m babbling about the French because they opened their Cannes Film Festival with Moonrise Kingdom last Wednesday and so here in Yeaman we had our Can’t Film Festival and we opened it with Moonrise Kingdom too so when you see a poster like this one,

that says it’s “In theaters the 25th of May”, i just want you to know you saw it here first.

Look, here are my perogatory screen shots.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Moonrise Kingdom still

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Hank Williams – Kaw-Liga

[Press ‘Play’ for a touch of ol’ Hank and “Kaw-liga just stands there as lonely as can be /And wishes he was still an old pine tree.”]

Ramblings: Long Live The Kingdom

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how you you get drunk with an alien? Not a little green martian fresh off the saucer but an alien that’s been living amongst us long enough to know to order the round on him just before you’ve finished your beer so you have to stay and finish the beer in your hand plus the one he’s putting in front of you. He wears normal clothes but wears them wrongly and he speaks the right words but emphasizes the wrong parts and gets them a little backwards in the syntax sometimes. He’s got all the right internal organs but they’re all mixed up except his heart because his heart’s in the right place. That’s what Moonrise Kingdom is like… normal and odd at the same time with its heart in just the right place.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Cutting to the chaser, i loved this movie and the more i think about it the more i love it which is a good sign because when i left the cinema i already liked it and now i can feel that warm love grow and spread like a puddle in my lap. Actually, i’m kind of relieved because i was super afraid i wouldn’t be cool enough to like Wes Anderson.

i swear to god i tried like hell to appreciate The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. You shoulda seen me sitting there trying to like it so hard i hurt my brain because here was a quirky movie with Bill Fucking Murray and i love the quirk and the Bill and the Fucking but no matter how hard i tried, i felt the movie was an inside joke that i wasn’t “in” enough to get so i chalked up one in the Lost column and gave up.

Until…

Moonrise Kingdom still

Kara Hayward in Moonrise Kingdom

You know what i really loved about Moonrise Kingdom? Everything. But mostly the story and the actors and the directing and the script and the sets. And the music. The music was in perfect off beat sync with the movie.

Take the directing… The directing was amazing because it was done back in 1965 and i don’t know how he filmed the movie back in 1965 when it’s a recent movie. Maybe Wes Anderson really is an alien and did some kind of time travel stunt, i don’t know, but Moonrise Kingdom was like an Instagram postcard flipbook that worked like a charm.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Ed Norton, Bruce Willis in Moonrise Kingdom

And the story? The story was this super innocent story that came directly from my childhood from before i knew how to swear and the best thing in the world were late afternoons when the sun stubbornly refused to set. Camping out, tree forts, grass stains, the smell of lighter fluid, skies so bright they were whitewashed with light and love, real love, first love that Wes Anderson films perfectly because there is nothing cliche in the romance here, just like there is nothing cliche at all about the first time you discover love because you feel like it’s a secret kingdom you discovered first.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Kara Hayward and Jared Gilman in Moonrise Kingdom

What about the acting? Forget about it. Bill Murray nails the role of the father by holding back but fraying his character’s fringes with insanity. Like he talks normal but acts crazy with his hair. His hair. He acts with his fucking hair and that’s all you need to know about Bill Murray. Frances McDormand works off him with ease and Ed Norton comes off super believable as the Scout Leader, which is amazing when you remember how he rocked Fight Club and rocks here too even if the roles are polar opposites. Nice range and suddenly Ed Norton is your favorite underrated actor.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Ed Norton in Moonrise Kingdom

But the real story here are the kids. Like the (then) 12-year-old actress Kara Hayward. Look her up on IMDb. What else has she done? Nothing. Wes picked her from the super talented teen actress farm and transplanted here here where we get to see her blossom. Then there’s Jared Gilman who also only has one acting credit, this movie, but that’s normal because he just came from the exact same planet as Wes Anderson. Jared not only is Sam, Jared is the movie like Jared was walking around being himself and not acting or anything and the movie happened around him and Anderson filmed it.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Jared Gilman in Moonrise Kingdom

Moonrise Kingdom may not be for everyone. Frat boys should save their money for keg beer and Piranha 3DDD. Stupid people may want to stay at home and watch Fox News. People without souls may not want to see this. But for those who love movies and those who love Love, Moonrise Kingdom is a sensitive poet’s forgotten dream.

Moonrise Kingdom still

Kara Hayward in Moonrise Kingdom

Kara Hayward

Kara Hayward

Kara Hayward

Jared Gilman

Jared Gilman

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

Seriously? You came here expecting sex?

The closest we come is too innocent to be sexual even if the kids make out in their underwear and learn how to French kiss and she says “It feels hard,” and he, almost apologetically responds, “Do you mind?” and she doesn’t.

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

Moonrise Kingdom

Bill Murray in Moonrise Kingdom

No big surprise that there wasn’t a whole lot of drinking going on in the Kingdom but we did get some passing references. Like in the above screen shot where Bill Murray is in his pajama bottoms with a bottle of wine and and a half drunk glass and an ax saying, “I’m going out to find a tree to chop.”

The other references are as follows:

  • BM [Bill Murray] drinks wine @ dining room table while reading the paper
  • Ed N[orton] scoutmaster drinks brandy while doing day’s log
  • BW [Bruce Willis] drinking beer out of a bottle while frying sausage offers a slug to the boy. Twice.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0

More indie art folk than rock and roll but you don’t miss it.We get some really cool soundtrack stuff from some famous soundtrack guy called Alexandre Desplat whose music fits the movie really well. Plus we get the kids dancing on the beach to Françoise Hardy – Le temps de l’amour.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola

Directed by: Wes Anderson

Starring

Kara Hayward – Suzy
Frances McDormand – Laura Bishop
Tilda Swinton – Social Services
Jared Gilman – Sam
Bill Murray – Walt Bishop
Edward Norton – Scout Master Ward
Bruce Willis – Captain Sharp

Bottom Line

The 12-year-old you were is aching to take you to this.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Just photos after this…

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